Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Internet: The Stuff of Fantasies

I remember the day I watched the first Harry Potter movie. Stuff of fantasies, I thought. With a wave of wand, and not just some fancy prestidigitation, mind you, you could do anything. From flying objects, to unlocking doors, from creating things out of thin air, to killing someone flat. Anything!
And watching my fantasies come true on the 70 mm screen, the desire to see these fantasies turn reality grew stronger. Perhaps, sometimes, desperate. Subsequently, whenever I had to get up in the middle of a movie, or a television show to get drinks or snacks, I always thought how it would be so much better if I could, without lifting my lazy ass off the couch, just yell "Accio Drink" and watch the refrigerator door open and the bottle of Pepsi, flying through the air, make its way towards me on its own, in my oh-so-grateful hands. Life could be blissful, right?
And I would always imagine Draco Malfoy scoffing at this stupid thought.
[Scene set against the backdrop of a temple]
Draco Malfoy: Mere paas wand hai, pure blood hai, magic hai. Tumhare paas kya hai? (I have the wand, the pure blood race and the magic. What do you have?)
I wouldn't have a reply. How could I? After all, it's just a fantasy. Is it, though? What if I said....
Me: Mere paas................. Internet hai. (I have Internet.) [Sky thunders with a roar]
Internet, ladies and gentlemen, is the magic we have. And it can do wonders way beyond what Dumbledore with his Elder wand could do. Way beyond Harry Potter could ever dream of doing. Don't believe me? Here's a tale played out from two parallel universes.
[In Harry Potter's Universe] Gryffindor is playing Slytherin late evening. You decide to catch the action at home. Leaving office in jiffy, you rush home, as your office files close automatically and rearrange themselves neatly in a stack on your table. "Alohamora", your door unlocks. You run to the television. Remote, where is the remote? You can't find the remote. "Accio Remote". And comes the remote flying in your grateful hands. You sit down and start watching. But something's missing. "Accio Beer". "Accio Popcorn". Life is bliss.
[In a parallel universe, our universe] 5:30 P.M, your clock shows. Your phone calendar notifies you about the Gryffindor Slytherin Quiditch match. As you leave office in a jiffy, your computer synced with the calendar, shuts down, closing all the files and making a sticky note of the task to be done the next day. Meanwhile, your phone rings.
You are out of Beer and your refrigerator has ordered 3 bottles for you. Please enter your password to complete the payment.
The smart refrigerator. Synced with your calendar, it knows about the game and has been programmed to know your need for "Chilled Beer" for the game. It checks if there is "Chilled Beer". If not, it places an order, of which you are notified when the payment password is required on your phone. You type in the password and done! You reach home, so does your order for "chilled beer". This, ladies and gentlemen, is Internet of Things.
""July 30, 1991", you speak at your door step. "Click", the door unlocks, your voice, once authenticated. Bio metric Door Locks at your service. You run for the TV. Remote, where is the remote? Who needs that! "Switch on the TV". The TV turns on automatically. "Quid Sports". Match is on. Smart TV, everyone. Life is bliss.
And that's just not it. Remember Dumbledore's pensieve? Yes, that bowl used to review memories. You pour in the memory vapor that you want to review and dive into the pensieve. Memories can then be viewed from a non-participant, third-person point of view. How do yo achieve that? Virtual Reality, my friends, along with the Google Glass, the in-fashion Wearable computing technology. The google glass, becoming an extension of you, lets you capture your experiences and store them onto the cloud for later reviews. Throw in your Virtual Reality Headset in the mix (something like Oculus?) and boy, do you get to relive your life in its entirety or what!
What else do can you think of? Marauder's Map? Google Map. Flu Powder? Teleportation. Owls at work? Drones at work. I can go on and on and on. This Internet, I told you, is something. It's our deathly hallows. And with it turning dreams and fantasies into reality, who's to say if the future generation would be saying "Why we don't need Harry Potter". I just hope they don't....

Sunday, April 19, 2015

The Ten Commandments - Being In Office

1. Thou shalt always remember you're getting paid to work. And only work!

Socialize. Learn. Have Fun. But never forget what you're getting paid for. Because if you ain't working, you ain't good for nothing.

2. Thou shalt not lick their soles.

You can get all the fame and the money that comes with it, but getting it all at the cost of self -respect is just not worth it.

3. Thou shalt not be a pervert.

No one likes to work with someone eyeing them places all the time.

4. Thou shalt not be a bitch.

Back bitching ain't going to take you anywhere. Also, you must have heard of a bitch called Karma. My advice, stay safe, don't try this!

5. Thou shalt not stay back just for the heck of it. 

Your home has a culture. Your workplace has a culture. Let's not ruin both by staying back unnecessarily.

6. Thou shalt always remember the words: Privacy and Professionalism.

This ain't your street homie! Neither it's your home. It's office! Remember to behave appropriately.

7. Thou shalt strive to go up the hierarchy of management, not asshole-ness.

Enough said!

8. Thou shalt let your work show who's the boss.

Nobody is irreplaceable in the corporate jungle, but hey! if your absence means a few days of headache for your boss, well done!

9. Thou shalt strive to write more and more lines of better code, not mail. 

When you have no work, you write mails. When you write mails, you're not doing any work. You have already read the commandment # 1. Need I say more?

10. Thou shalt not let your work affect your personal or social life.

Work is never going to end. But your life is. And so is your boss's life. Make sure you always remember this, and so does your boss!


Post Script: The aforementioned views are author's personal opinion. If you find the article disturbing or in disagreement to your opinions or worse, you happen to be the author's boss, you can just go and burn in hell. Thank you!