Monday, December 30, 2013

The Corporate Story, Inside Out ( Part 1)

We were running like hell. Sweating, panting, tongues out, running. It was a typical July morning, hot, humid. Our shirts were drenched and we were stinking like hell. But we had other things to worry about. Already 30 minutes late, our destination was still far. We knew we were dead. We were just so dead. We just ran and ran, my friend and I. We could have given Usain Bolt a run for his money that day. Finally, 15 minutes later, we were there.

Guard at the Entrance: han sir, boliye kya kaam hai? (Yes sir, tell me the purpose of your visit.)
Me: bhaiya , aaj pehla din hai. (Sir, today is our first day.)
Guard: acha acha. Idhar sign kar dijiye. Fir seedhe chale jaiye. Left se dusra kamra. (Okay okay. Just sign here. Then go straight. 2nd room on the left.)

45 minutes late, we headed for the door, ready to be beheaded. Before entering, we just stopped for a moment to compose ourselves, if at all it mattered. We had surrendered to the fact that we were going to be thrown out in the next few moments.

Pushing the door with all my might (pun intended), I entered first. And there, before us, laid a vast sea of eyes scanning us from top to bottom. Never in my life, had I felt more exposed. But we deserved every bit of this attention, I can tell you that. Shirts half out, trousers falling down, drenched in sweat from head to toe and wearing that stupid-ly confused expression. “Look at Us” was stamped on our foreheads that day, in red, in caps. Then, a lady sitting there finally broke the silence. 
Lady: Yes? May I help you?
Me: Oh yes, we are the new joinees.
Lady: [Surprised] Do you know what time is it?
Me: [Nervously] Ma’am, we’re really sorry, but actually, we got lost while coming here.
Lady: What do you mean by lost? Where had you been?
Me:  Everywhere, but here.
At this, the whole class burst into laughter.
Lady: Oh! No worries. Please enter. Have some water and….. Welcome to Eftarn &Waengsow.

6 months later, the memory of that day still lingers on. The first day at E&W. Feels just like yesterday. So much happened in these 6 months. Made new friends (still not a girlfriend, damn!), learnt the tricks and trade of this I.T. industry (still learning), fell in love with this job, then broke up (not even friends now).  And most importantly, became free, independent. There was so much to tell, so much to write. But surprisingly and disappointingly, the last blog's date stamp shows that it’s been more than 5 months since I last scribbled on this window side. 5 months is a long, long time. Not that I didn’t miss it. Over the course of these 5 months, countless drafts were written that unfortunately, could never see the light of the day. Some went straight to the bin, some got lost midway and some vomited and choked to their death. Those which did manage to avoid these tragedies, were brutally rejected (murdered) by my wonderfully heartless friends, being dismissed as “too much shit to be posted.”  Until, this attempt. So finally after 5 months, here I am, to tell you the complete inside out story of life at E&W.

Okay so from where do I start my so-far-so-shit-corporate story? After the unforgettable first day, the following week was spent trying to know more about the company, its culture, its people. And the more I got to know about the company, the more it disappointed me.  The company (its infrastructure) is painstakingly pathetic, the culture, uptight. You know, when your company boasts of being more than 20 year old, being well established, you expect some decent infrastructure to support the tall claims. And, here you make your first mistake.

Infrastructure: a Glance

1. Machines

Expectation: As a developer, the first thing you expect is a good, updated machine to work on. After all, you don’t want your machine to give up (before you).

What you get: 20 year old desktops. My home desktop could easily beat those. 10 applications and down goes your machine on its knees, pleading to stop the torture, or in the worst case, drops dead.

Verdict: Disappointing!

2. Internet

Expectation:  If you are an IT professional, internet is your oxygen. A good internet connection is such a positive boost to have at your workplace. After all, in order to code fast, you have to google faster.

What you get: Absolutely 3rd class internet. Even a BSNL connection can beat that hands down. And on top of that, all the social networking sites, e -commerce sites and every 3rd site has been blocked. And here I was thinking the college days were behind me.

Verdict:  Incredibly depressing!

3. Cafeteria

Expectation: After your workstation, cafeteria is the place, where you spend most of your time. So a big, well lit, cafeteria with some good food is a bare minimum expectation. After all, only a quality time off leads to quality time on work.

What you get: Small, cramped place where people have to wait to get seats during lunch time. Is it Starbucks or what! Food is nowhere good and the ambiance is boring.

Verdict: Just not up to the mark!  

4. Recreation Room

Expectation: You know there should be a place in the office to unwind. A place to de-stress. A place where you could play games like table tennis, carom board or chess. A place to where you could watch television. A place where you could play music maybe. A place to just liven it up.

What you get: A table tennis table, 2 carom boards and nothing else. Also, the table and the carom boards are accessible only after office hours.

Verdict: FML!

5. Location

Expectation: Well, you expect your office to be easily reachable. And you want a decent public transport connectivity to/from your office.

What you get: A campus in the middle of nowhere. No transport, no nearby hangout places.

Verdict: Upsetting to say the least!

6. Transport

Expectation: Since the office is located in in the heart of the city (pun intended), a good transport service is a must. Imagine paying to go to a god forsaken place, everyday!

What you get: Not the from-the-door pickup, but the bus service provided at free of cost, by the company is just fine.

Verdict: Just about Okay!

7. Medical Facilities

Expectation: A sick room with a nice warm bedding, in case you are not feeling well, in case the hangover from the last night is still there, in case you are feeling sleepy, and in case you just don’t want to work. And oh, not to forget a well stocked first aid kit, always at disposal.

What you get: None of the above mentioned. All they have is a little box going by the name of First Aid Kit.

Verdict:  Downright Ugly!

So overall, the verdict is that the infrastructure provided just sucks. Big time! And what’s worth noticing is that most of these are a matter of applying sense rather than money. Think about it. A good internet connection, less blocked sites, good machines, a separate recreation room, a spare room with a bedding, how much would all that cost? Surely not an ortho lot for a company of this stature and resources. But what can we do about it?

Anyways, I think I will call it an end here, but it’s not finished yet. Yes, it’s not finished anytime soon. In the coming articles, I will cover some of the most distinguished people I met, girls who impressed, the culture and the life in a day at E&W. So until next time, ciao!

                                                                                                                              *To Be Continued

Post Script: So how is your company fare in all these areas? Would love to hear from you guys. As far as the rest of the articles are concerned, they will be out soon. Till then, keep an eye on this window side. 

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Just Sleep It Away !!

It’s only 11 in the morning and the spirits are already crawling..
It’s only 11 in the morning and the heads are already falling..
Not listening a word what they have to say,
Here we are, sleeping the class away!!

Into the distant lands, our minds are sailing...
Those exotic places, our thoughts are trailing...
I so wish we could spend the day some other way
Damn! Here we are, sleeping the class away!!

Oh outside, it has started raining,
And we are trapped here inside, a matter of great mourning.
Omni suit , Omni this, Omni that,
Ah! Complete disarray!
But let’s not worry about that,
For now, let’s just sleep the class away!!

It’s evening now and in the last eight hours, there was so much to listen, so much to learn...
But we, we just watched the ceiling.
First benchers, last benchers alike,
All through the day, we were just sleeping.

This routine is going to continue for another month, as they say,
But days like today, we can take hope from,
We will always remember that there were days when our spirits crawled,
There were days when our minds stalled,
But despite all difficulties
We never panicked, never a hint of dismay,
We just continued with our way,
And slept the class away!!

Monday, April 15, 2013

The Ten Commandments - Being a Good Friend

1. Thou shalt share the same ideals and ethics (or the absence of them).

You became his friend in the first place due to this, always remember this.

2. Thou shalt be your friend's Partner- in- Crime. 

By crime, I mean crime. You have to help your friend execute every one of his pranks and plans. If you won't, who will?

3. Thou shalt be your friend's support on the last night before examination.

 If he isn't studying, why are you? Don't be this selfish man!!

4. Thou shalt hurl abuses towards your friend in his achievement (in case he manages one) 

People congratulate. Parents congratulate. But not friends. They abuse, vent out their justified anger (for reason: refer to commandment # 3), compose themselves, and put down the phone.

5. Thou shalt accompany your friend outside the classroom, ALWAYS.

 Will Can you let your friend have all the fun alone? Tell me, can you?

6. Thou shalt not pay for your friend. 

Why you should pay:
  • You have extra money.
  • You have less expenses of your own.
Why you shouldn't:
  • You don't want him to feel indebted to you. 
  • You want to him to know the ways of the world, where each man is for himself. 

7. Thou shalt put all the blame on your friend whenever possible.

You are no God-Man. You are just a human, and unfortunately his Friend. Better act like one.

8. Thou shalt understand your friend by the squint of his eye. 

 If you can't, then tell me what right do you have to be called a friend?

9. Thou shalt talk shit all the time, that makes no sense at all to anyone around you.

If you exhaust the quota of sensical-talks with your friends, then what will you be left with to talk with your parents huh? Right? Oh c'mon! You can thank me later!!

10. Thou shalt not let your friend do dope, drink, ALONE!!

 No matter what you are busy with, just throw it aside and go join your friend who's in need of some good company. Remember,
A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Post Script: The aforementioned views are author's personal opinion. If you find the article disturbing or in disagreement to your opinions, you can just go and burn in hell. Thank you.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

I Dream to be Free !!

All I dream is to be free
All I dream is to be free
Free, from all the pretensions,
all around
Free, from all the apprehensions,
pinning me down to the ground
For what all is out there
I just can't see
Ah! I so wish to be free
All I dream is to be free!

Pieces I am desperately trying to put together,
they just don't fit.
Freedom, freedom, I can't find it, I can't find it.
I've searched enough, I've run enough,
still can't see the dawn.
And when the lights are out and the smoke's gone
the curtains on this dream of mine, will forever be drawn.
I know, I just know.

In life, or after I die
I hope, someday, to find it.
For what all is out there
I can't bear to see
I so, so wish to be free
All I dream, is to be free!!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

All I Care About!!

'I' is the only one I am concerned about.
The world can go and fuck itself,
'I', 'Me', 'Myself' is all I've always cared about.
I can't afford to divert my concerns, you see
lest this world of mine should take a clout.
I should be the only one,
I care about.

But, sometimes, sometimes, I pretend to myself into becoming 'we'
'My friends', so I call, I begin to see.
'We', 'ours' are the words, I begin to shout,
Funnily enough, then, 'I' becomes something I begin to flout.
But, when the time comes,
I return to my old ways,
and drive out
any bloody cloud of doubt.
My conscience died,
to my wishes, my whole world tied,
I realize,
'I' was the only one,
'I' is the only one,
'I' has been the only one,
I have always, cared about.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

That Very Fine Valentine!!

Before starting with this, you might want to read the  Story So Far 

1850 Hrs:- Its dark, quiet and  just about the perfect setting for couples. Just, I don't see too many out here. In fact, I can't spot even a single one. Strange!

1900 Hrs:- In "the Circles" now, trying to explore the scenes around. Pretty much the same everywhere. Couples holding hands, looking all cute, cuddling, some kissing and what not!
                                        [Disgusting ! bah!]

                             "Why don't you get a room, fuckers"
                            "Why don't you get a girl, sucker!"
                                             [Okay! Sigh!]

1905 Hrs:- Red Alert! A bunch of girls (gang rather) coming and looks like they are checking me out ....yeah they are definitely....wait...maybe... [turns]  FML #2!

1910 Hrs:- Enough of these FML's! Let's just........grgrgrgrgrgrgrgrgrgrgrrgrrgrgr
Oh! So after the helpless-heart, it's the suffering-stomach crying tonight.
Did I tell you I haven't eaten anything since morning? Just saying.....

1915 Hrs:- There it is. Mcdonalds. Overflowing with those two's and three's. Let's find some place else.
                   KFC                 - FULL  OVERFLOWING

Guess the meal will have to have to wait for now. What next then? Amble through the Circle, shall we?

1923 Hrs:- So girls don't like to just amble, when they have a financier [read: Boyfriend] walking beside them, do they? There was this couple walking, when suddenly, one of those larger than life sale banners caught the eye of the mistress and I don't need to tell the rest of the story, I reckon. One smile. One sweet-sexy-yet-innocent-smile, is all that takes, to bring the whole world to their feet. Bitches!

1930 Hrs:- Block F, Block E, Block D....  different melody, but the same old song. Time to move onto the Central Attraction now- the Central Park.

1935 Hrs:- You know, being the heart of Connaught Place is not the only reason for coming to Central Park. Its reputation, of a being a voyeur's paradise, precedes it. So I am here pretty much for the latter to be honest.

1942 Hrs:- Inside Central Park and I have found what I was looking for. "The Sightings". Here, there, everywhere. Seems like Love Lust is in the air tonight.  

1947 Hrs:- "Ye kaisa zamana aa gaya hai yaar. Dekho zara is aaj ki generation ko. Shameless!!
  "In ladkiyon ka to ghar se nikalna band kar dena chahiye ghar se. Ghar ke kaam hi karen to sahi hai inke liye"
  " Haan. Aur tumhe pata hai ki ye aaj ki ye generation jo bahar ka khana specially chinese wagareh khaati hai, tabhi itne rape hote hain. Chinese khaane se........ 

I had heard enough of this Oldies' bullshit. And I had many things to say to them. But then I thought, "Just keep calm and be a voyeur."

2000 Hrs:- Phew! It's been quite some time since I have been walking (and watching), so I need a place to sit. I know a perfect place.

2005 Hrs:- "If there was a heaven, it's here, it's here, it's here....."
A large circle with stairs on one side and grassy slope on other, just about the perfect lighting, wind brushing across the sky. Just wow!

2020 Hrs:- Must admit, in spite of being single, with all the cuddly couples just close by, I could still sit here for hours. It's so awesome here. All this setting reminds me of one of the songs of Guns N Roses:-
                                              Take me down to the paradise city
                                        Where the grass is green and girls are pretty

Just the problem is, that those pretty girls are with not-so-pretty boys.

2021 Hrs:- I better get out of here now. Why? Because I AM HUNGRY!!!

2025 Hrs:- Two girls can never walk past each other just like that it seems. They'll check each other out, starting from bottom, all the way to the top, including the dress, make up, vital stats (dead sure of that), and then walk away with that bitch mode. Someone care to explain, why?

2030 Hrs:- I found a Bryan Adams poster. I found a Bryan Adams poster. I found a Bryan Adams poster........

2105 Hrs:- So finally a valentine gift (for me, by me) to savor. Bryan Adams, Guns N Roses and Einstein posters. Yes, yes, you read that right. Einstein!!  

"Hey can you tell me the way to Mcdonalds"
"There? okay thanks!"

2120 Hrs:- Mother of god! Can't they get their asses off there and just go home god damn it? There has been absolutely no change in the scenes here; same as it was an hour ago. I am dead tired and the only option I am left with is taking the next metro back to Dwarka. There's a McDonalds  there. If in luck, I'll get something to eat today. Lets Pray....

2125 Hrs:- Have entered the Rajiv Chowk metro station and to say this place looks different would be an understatement. Its nearly empty. Only some office goers going home. That's it. No trace of couples, anywhere. It's only 9:25 P.M and............. I am hungry.

2225 Hrs:- Dwarka sector 14: Back from where I started!

Oops! You see, I still haven't...never mind!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

One Fine Valentine!!

"So what are you doing this 14th, man?"
"Nothing, probably updating...what else are we 'singles' supposed to do?"
" pretty much man!!"
"You have no idea....."

It's that Valentine's day again...
It's that no-idea-what-to-do day again...
It's that thinking-what-could-have-been-and-what-there-really-is day again...
It's that full-on-licensed-day-dreaming day again...
It's that fucking Valentine's day again...
3 years and absolutely nothing to show for this day. No happy memories at all to remember this day by. But not this time. Something has to be done. And something will be done this time. Something.

"Hey, where are you going man?"
"Why, its 14th after all......"

1710 Hrs:- Dwarka Sector-14 Metro Station-- the board read. Why on earth have I come here? I don't know. But today, I won't think of all this. I have a train to catch. The train, that will take me somewhere, nowhere.

1720 Hrs:- Okay, so the compartment is less crowded than usual. Just a couple sitti....Oh wait...1...2...3..Can you believe it? 3 couples right here in this coach, which should now better be named as "The Cupid's Cubicle". Anyways, talking about the couples, well they all are whispering and smiling incessantly. Don't know, but looks to me, kind of one of those after-sex-little-sweet-somethings. Stupid if you ask me! If.....

1725 Hrs:- Lo, I think one of the girls has stood up to deboard....yes..she has now and....oh wait...that look on her boyfriend's face- PRICELESS!! Haha! But no, I must control myself as it must .....true love, which.... I know..... nothing of. Hence, it gives.... me .......right to .....laugh at .......the misery of someone............ in "True Love"....... Also it .....makes me... look ..... a .......little mean......can't control any longer man..... hahahaha!

1735 Hrs:- Now it's getting even more weird. You see that boy (whose girlfriend had deboarded) is staring at a greeting card (must have been given to him by his girl). Just the thing is, he's been doing this for 10 minutes. That makes 600 whole seconds. Emo!!

1737 Hrs:- Woohoo...A very hot chick has just entered and has sat in front of me. No phone, no greeting card, no stupid smile on her face....which just means one thing......
                                     "So whatcha doing tonight pretty lady?"

1750 Hrs:- This is interesting. It's been half an hour I guess, and that guy (whose girl had left) is now yawning, and yawning furiously. I think the effect of that greeting card has well subsided! Ha!

1753 Hrs:- The sun has set. So has the dream of having a college romance. Sigh!
                                  Kahin to......Kahin to... (somewhere, somewhere.....)
                                  Hogi wo............            (is my girl.....)

1755 Hrs:- It's all happening , right here, in our very own " Cupid's Cubicle ! It so happened that two guys (looked to me college types) sat beside me. I wasn't trying, but you see, just couldn't ignore this very interesting piece of typical-guys-conversation:-

                First One:- "Oye saamne dekh...dono kitni mast hain, us saamne wale platform pe" (Hey look there, what gorgeous chicks they are, there on that opposite platform)
                Second One:- "Haan bencho! ek dum faad!" (Yeah man , absolute treat)
                First One:- "Saale left waali pe nazar na daal....wo meri hai.."(Hey listen asshole, don't even dare to look at that left one, she's mine! )
                Second One:- "Theek hai...waise bhi mujhe right wali pasand hai...wo meri hai" (Ok, and anyways, I like the right one more, so she's mine)
                First One:- "Theek done!" (OK then, deal sealed!)
                Second One:- "Done" (Done)

And within a minute or so, the ownership of those two poor girls was decided. There and then. No questions asked. G.U.Y.S you see.

1800 Hrs:- "Rajendra Place. Doors will open on the left. Please mind the gap"
Holy shit! There's this super hot chick on that opposite platform. Long hair, Pink top and wait...with a guy who looks kind of...a bull...yes he's a freaking bull. He's that huge. How can someone be that huge, and bulky...Whatever!

1810 Hrs:- "Next Station is Rajiv Chowk....."
So this is where I deboard. All set with my Bazooka! "In Position"

1815 Hrs:- woho!  It's a massacre here. I can't recall the last time I saw the Rajiv Chowk Metro Station this crowded. People running everywhere.
                                                         Couples are flocking.
                                                         Singles are watching.
It seems as if the whole world is out here. I am having a hunch that it's going to be one hell of a day.
For the moment, let's just find BLOCK A exit gate!

1820 Hrs:- Goodness Gracious! Hoards and hoards of people moving across the entry/exit gates. I tell you it's crazy out here. But on second thoughts, why not? After all, these all are the gateways to The Connaught Place - the place that holds the famous Central Park, even more famous Circles and beating them all, the Starbucks Cafe! Yeah, if trends are anything to go by.....

1825 Hrs:- The sun has set and I am finally outside the metro station. It's all dark, crowded and somewhat chaotic. You need almost a minute to gather yourself and get used to the scenes like these. At least I do. It seems as if the whole of the Delhi has come down here tonight. So much for this 14th....moving along....

1831 Hrs:- There came the final nail in the coffin. And I should have seen it coming. This guy selling bouquets of flowers (offer being made only to couples passing by) offered one to the couple walking just in front of me. They, it seems, refused and walked away, leaving me in line of fire. There was that one moment when this guy offered, realized what he had done, withdrew and looked away.....FML!!

1840 Hrs:- So with everything happening at such pace, I need a breather. There's that park over Palika Bazar. Next stop!
                                                                                                            *To be Continued...

Post Script. - Got anything to say? Did you love this concept? Or was it plain boring? Well, don't keep that to you self. Just Blurt it out here. Would Love to hear it from you guys. As far as the rest of the story is concerned, it will be out soon. Till then, keep an eye on this Window side.