Thursday, April 12, 2012

Politics-As I see It

There's something about this Exam Time. The Time, and perhaps the only time when I find myself in awkwardly perfect sync with others, doing what is expected of me- Studying, or Trying To Study, you could say. Anyhow, it's really been a gruelling week, of sleepless nights, of 60 minutes humiliation each day, of those added minutes of after- exam- misery and daily dosage of dreaded, stacked books' sight. But the good thing is, it's over now, with me back at my Window and my life, back on track or off-track.Whatever!

Now since these college course anthologies didn't leave me with any time to perform my routinely rituals, like reading newspaper, it's been a more than a week that I went past the first page. But you know me. I'm not that kind of guy who lets go so easily. So here in front of me, is a neatly created stack of dailies till date. The original plan was to go through all of them today, but this interesting piece of news caught my eye, and as a result, here I am instead, at the Window. Anyways, just check out this video:-

Wait! Don't gasp just yet. Here's the second part of the story.Check this out:-

Honestly, my first reaction to this video was- WTF! And I'm pretty sure that you must've echoed the same thing infinite times till now. Unbelievable stuff really!

The second clip actually is more interesting. And as I was watching this, I tried to imagine the conversation between the Jail Superintendent [JSP] and Bibi Jagir Kaur [BJK]. What would it have been like? Maybe something like this:-
[Caution: For best results, read with that punjabi accent]

JSP:- Satshriakaal Biji. Ji aaya nu.
BJK:-Satshriakaal puttar.
JSP:- Tussi takleef kyun kitti, main hi aa jaanda.
BJK:-Takleef kadi! aapna hi kar hai.
JSP:- Eh vi theek gal hai. Biji, tuhaadi booking 5 star cell vich hai. Ac, Tv te music system sab hega.             Swere 4 baje Gurbaani vi chaaldi hai.
BJK:-Oh te theek hai par mainu ik phone vi chaida hai.
JSP:- Tussi tension na lo Biji. Aapna hi kar hai.

And she ain't the first one. Just ask A. Raja, Kalmadi, Kanimozhi.  For them, its Déjà vu, something like "Been there, Done that". So apparently, here in India, our political heroes, however tainted, are still our jail-houses' heroes. I wonder why. But don't you bother wasting your time, looking for an answer.Chances are, you'll end up like this. I surely did.

As it seems, our political honchos lead a pretty enviable life which brings me to my next point.
When we were small, our parents, teachers used to ask this question:-
"What do you want to become kid ?"
As far as I can remember, there used to be more answers than the total strength combined. But some common answers included:-

1. Scientists

C'mon don't look that surprised. After all, those geeky men with big glasses, wearing long overcoats, holding test-tubes with sparkling waters seemed no less than heroes at that time.

2. Doctors

This was one of the most common answers.I guess respect was one of the reason as with the designation of Doctor, the title of SAAB is automatically appended. Also this answer went well with I want to help my countrymen thing.

3. Astronauts

With a photo of Kalpana Chawla on the cover of the science book and Neil Armstrong as the idol, space looked as an incredible place to be.

4. Lawyers

 Again that respect thingy. "Wakeel saheb" sounded pretty cool back then, still does actually.

But no one ever mentioned Politics. Never. Closest ever that came was civil services, but not politics.I guess, the reason is that it's always been considered a swampy ground where once you enter, are destined to drown. And we on our part, have never really gone beyond that. Okay so let me give you an insight to the life in the place called POLITICS.

  • No Qualification? Don't worry.They don't need much.Metric pass would do just fine.What? Not a metric  pass? Don't worry, 6th pass is also enough.What? Don't tell me you couldn't even pass the 6th standard.Okay okay, know how to read and write? Good!Come aboard.
  • What? Afraid of the Parliament? Oh c'mon! This is no United Nations meet that you have to actually stay awake the whole time argumenting.This is THE PARLIAMENT, THE INDIAN PARLIAMENT for God's sake. Here you could sleep, eat, watch porn and do anything. By anything, I mean ANYTHING AT ALL. When Feeling bored, you could even get away with a Samba dance in the middle of the session. Relieved? Thought so.
  • Now what? Criminal Case?  So you're telling me that Supreme Court has acquitted you and now you are afraid that your life is ruined? Take it as a badge of honour my friend and do one thing. Take out your Ferrari and go and visit a shrine, temple or gurudwara to thank God, for your life is set now.There'll never be a better time for this, if you ask me.
  • Still not satisfied? Then its time to act. Oh don't you worry. Even a nursery level acting will come up good here.All you have to do is, hold your stomach and start shouting--SAVE ME, SAVE ME! There's gonna be some chaos.But when that chaos has subsided, you will find yourself in a 7 -star hospital room, sipping neembu pani and watching some saas-bahu soap on that 40 inches LED PLASMA screen. Happy?Phew!
  • Now the probability of this occurring is as good as the probability of the Indian Football team winning the FIFA World Cup, still if you are bored of that LED screen and missing that hula lala dance, then don't worry. Just release a press statement that you care for this country, and thus want to participate in the whatever the PARLIAMENT does. You'll never have a better glory.The next day headline will surely be something like this:-

          Now what do you say? Well I can see those lit up eyes.

So you must have realized by now that a truly happy life lies in that swamp.There's heaven beneath that swamp that ignorant people just don't want to see.I ask you, why toil to be a scientist, doctor, or whatever when the the easy (and better) way is up for grabs.We just want our paisa,izzat and shauhrat.That's it. So while it's still time, go out and change your future. As for me, well I want to, but unfortunately I just can't. It happened some 2 years ago that I met this girl C and just 6 months after, started double timing with her CLASSY sister C++ , and now when things were beginning to settle, entered this hot chick JAVA.(Damn this B.Tech ) So till these three lovely ladies are here in my life, they ain't gonna let me venture anywhere else. And talking about my future, well, if the present is anything to go by, then fast forward 30 years, I can see myself sitting in a 6 by 6 something cabin, engrossed in my console screen, thinking:-

Why this Null Pointer Exception Exception Exception di? 

Nothing else.I know. I just know!